Welcome back to the Three Delivery Forum!
We're glad to see you again!

Please log in or register with us to continue.

The Proposal

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by swim2live on 13th August 2010, 1:20 am

AW!!! I LOVE IT!!! I think you got the ages correctly but I'm not sure. It's REALLY hard to get them right so no one will hound you for it.

I especially love the closing line! It's funny and ominous AT THE SAME TIME! Brilliant!

swim2live

Posts : 345
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by WolfieStar on 13th August 2010, 1:27 am

XD thank you. I wrote this on my itouch at 10:00 at night XD wasn't thinking straight.

Yeah, Thalia came up with that one when we were joking around in the crack box XD

WolfieStar

Posts : 626
Join date : 2010-05-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by swim2live on 13th August 2010, 1:34 am

For on an itouch at 10:00 it's REALLY good!

swim2live

Posts : 345
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by WolfieStar on 13th August 2010, 1:38 am

Oh why thank you!

Alot of little drabbles I write on my itouch late ^^; like the 'Why Gary is Afraid of Sid' drabble.

WolfieStar

Posts : 626
Join date : 2010-05-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by AlixRobinson on 13th August 2010, 2:09 am

Looks like you got the ages pretty accurate... I think... huh, well, if Ian is a newborn, that probably means that Tyko is about seven months pregnant... uh... I think. I dunno, Thalia is the only one who keeps track of any of this crap xD

This is really sweet, I like it. Though... I think by now, Sid would have cooled off a little bit in terms of making Gary's life a living hell. I think him calling Gary a name was a bit... childish. However, you got the overall flow of emotion down, and Tyko was perfectly in-character with her little hissy fit over missing everything. That's exactly what she would do xD


Last edited by AlixRobinson on 17th August 2010, 2:25 am; edited 1 time in total

_________________
this is
as quiet
as it gets
hush down now
go to sleep
we were once perfect
me and you
we'll never leave this room

AlixRobinson

Posts : 113
Join date : 2010-05-07
Age : 22
Location : Your pants.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by WolfieStar on 13th August 2010, 2:22 am

Cause Thalia has nothing better to do XD

Yeah, that was a bit childish, but I coudn't see straight staring at a little screen at 10:00 at night XD but that's Sid, he's a stubborn kid XD

WolfieStar

Posts : 626
Join date : 2010-05-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by ThaliaAnderson on 13th August 2010, 5:36 am

You know, I really don't have anything better to do. XD
Except hate on my immune system for going into total shutdown mode, atm.

Aw, hahah, this was really sweet! I liked how everybody was there to see it, too. (: I agree with Alix about the name-calling, though it seems that at this point of the relationship, it would be more of a childish joking sort of way, like Sid is just poking jabs at Gary just because he can. XD

Uhm, as for ages...If Erica is three , that means Ian would be...maybe seven months? (Erica would have to have like, JUST turned three) And Tyko would probably be a couple weeks pregnant, but knowing Tyko, she's probably not aware of it yet. XD
After all, Sammie didn't know she was pregnant until like, a month and a half into her first trimester.

*headdesks*
Whyyyyy do I keep track of all this?!
*stabs immune system*

_________________

I know I'm good for something; I just haven't figured it out yet.

My youtube and my tumblr.

ThaliaAnderson
Admin

Posts : 714
Join date : 2010-03-21
Age : 22
Location : Oregon

View user profile http://www.youtube.com/user/leecrew82

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by WolfieStar on 13th August 2010, 5:53 am

XD yeah I assumed that, if Sue is six months, and she gives birth at seven, then Tyko would likely be only a month old...we have nothing better to do Thalia...XD

Oh, yeah, I understand now. So Sid would be calling him names to play around with him in a friendly manner, not in a mean way, like usual? It's awkward making Sid be nice to Gary XD

Thanks you guys for these sweet compliments and the critiques. These help me so much with my writing, and I hope it's showing.

WolfieStar

Posts : 626
Join date : 2010-05-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by Chezberryz456 on 14th August 2010, 12:31 am

Aww! That was so sweet! I think it did make it a whole lot better that everyone else was there. Aww, I love your "little drabbles"

Chezberryz456

Posts : 125
Join date : 2010-06-12
Age : 20
Location : In the county of Green ~ Norfolk

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by DragonWarriorClaire34 on 15th August 2010, 5:29 am

Aw, sweet, filled with Christmas cheer. XD
Well, took him long enough!
The descriptions of the characters and the emotions were nice.
Nice buildup to the climax, it was at just the right tempo. (Only I would care about pace and stuff like that in writing. XD)

Ah, curse my OCs for having so many friends around the globe, they missed EVERYTHING. XD

DragonWarriorClaire34

Posts : 336
Join date : 2010-05-06

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Proposal

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum