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Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

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Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by ThaliaAnderson on 16th June 2010, 1:43 am

Thinking about making a sub-category under Fanfiction for songfics. XD What do you guys think?

Because I am totally and undeniably obssessed with Mortal Instruments *directs you off to "Books" category if you don't know what I'm talking about*, and I was listening to music, realizing that Trading Yesterday is Jace's band. Seriously, their songs were like, written to match Jace. Which, you wouldn't really understand until you get into the second and third books, but bah. Whateverrrrr.

I mean like...
Trading Yesterday : Jace = Yellowcard : Synn
Yeah, it's THAT in tune with Jace's life. XD

***SPOILERS FOR THE END OF BOOK ONE, BOOK TWO AND PARTS OF BOOK THREE. DON'T READ THIS UNLESS YOU AREN'T GOING TO READ THE BOOKS, OR IF YOU DON'T CARE IF YOU GET SPOILED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***

Song: Shattered (MTT Version)
Artist: Trading Yesterday
Pairing: Jace Wayland/Clary Fray

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Jace finally decided it was time to leave Amatis’s porch, he turned away, not even knowing where it was he was headed to. He found himself sitting on a hill, overlooking Alicante. It was a gorgeous view. He smiled softly, turning to the side, mouth opening as if to speak.

But he closed his mouth again, realizing nobody was sitting beside him. He rested his head on his knees, pulled up to his chest, closing his eyes quietly.

That night at Renwick’s, Jace had died a little bit inside. And every day after that, he died more every time he even looked at her. It wasn’t fair. When Jace had seen Clary that first night at Pandemonium, when he saw the way that demon looked at her, he’d wanted to hide her behind him and protect her, do anything to ensure her safety. And when Simon had walked in and she’d gone with him, he was… angry. He wanted to be the one to leave that place with her; his arm around her shoulder, not Simon’s. And then… she came to the Institute. He got closer and closer to her, unable to keep himself from falling harder. To love is to destroy. He believed it, still. But she… something about Clary made him wish it weren’t so true. He could have reached out and touched a future with her. Finally–finally–he could be happy.

But, of course, Jace wasn’t allowed to be happy. It was his destiny as a Shadowhunter–none of them could truly be happy, no matter how often they pretended, or wished they could be. In a few short seconds–in a few short words–Jace’s world had been ripped apart. He was empty; hollow. Valentine, his own father, had stomped down on his dreams. But Jace didn’t blame Valentine–how could he have known? How could he have known that those words, the ones that echoed in Jace’s head every time he saw Clary, every time he even thought of Clary, would tear him to shreds?

Clarissa is your sister.

It wasn’t fair. The price he paid for wanting to know about his family was to lose her, to have to stop asking the questions he wanted answers to, even more desperately than to be given the truth about his family, where he came from.

I love you. But… do you love me? Could you love me?

Now, he wished he’d never asked. Wished he’d never wondered if his father was truly dead, if he’d ever see him again. It hadn’t been worth the price.

Clary’s face forced itself into his mind, as much as he wished it wouldn’t. But another word came with the image. Family. As much as he wished, hoped, prayed that it wasn’t, loving Clary was forbidden. The things he’d felt that first time he’d kissed her–they tickled at the edge of his mind–that morning even, laying on the grass with her beside him. His stomach lurched. He shouldn’t feel that way about family, let alone his sister. He wanted to hit something, punish himself for feeling this way. But the only real punishment that would make a difference to him would be forbidding himself to ever see her again. But he remembered her face when he’d yelled at her for coming to Alicante. Could he hurt her again? Could he look her in the eyes and tell her that he just didn’t want to see her ever again?

Even if he could, Jace knew in his heart that if he didn’t have Clary, he may as well have died. He needed her, even if he couldn’t say so out loud. Even if he wasn’t allowed to even feel such things without feeling like a monster.

Like the monster his father had created him to be.

Jace got to his feet, suddenly furious. The words that had been tumbling around in his mind suddenly spilled out. “It’s not fair!” he shouted, secretly hoping that all of Alicante could hear his pain; hear his misery. He especially hoped that Sebastian, wherever he was, could hear him, too, and laugh in sick delight at Jace’s feelings.

Before he hardly knew what he was doing, he was running, whipping past trees and branches, which left scratches along his cheeks and face. He didn’t care what hit him, who saw him. It wasn’t until he was standing in front of the Wayland grave site in the Alicante cemetery that he finally stopped running, stopping moving entirely. He broke down in front of the mausoleum, slamming his hand against the name he could hardly bear to read.

Michael Wayland.

“This is your fault!” Jace cried out, glaring coldly at the stone building. He staggered to his feet, not caring if anybody heard him shouting. “I’ve grown up, believing I was your son, but I’m not! I don’t know who I even am anymore, and it’s your fault! If only you’d stuck around a little longer, I would have known from the beginning I was Valentine’s son! He wouldn’t have been able to just pretend that he was you. I would have known! Maybe… maybe if I’d known from the start, I wouldn’t have–˝ Jace cut off, choking on the words. He blinked, to realize he was crying. Jace couldn’t even remember the last he’d cried. He fell to the ground, letting the tears splatter the grave and slowly turn the dirt around his knees to mud.

He gulped and leaned his forehead and arms against the cool stone. “Maybe… maybe I would never have fallen in love,” he choked out. “I wouldn’t have loved Clary,” he stammered, slamming his fist against the name. “The only thing, the one person I ever truly loved, ever dared to believe could love me back is the one person I can’t have!” He stared up at the sky, the dark clouds hanging overhead. “But I… I can’t stop. I can’t stop loving her.” He sat back on his legs, burying his tear stained face in his hands.

That’s how he’d been when Alec found him, alone in the graveyard, the sun hanging low in the sky. Someone said his name quietly, but it wasn’t until the familiar hand came down on his shoulder did Jace look up. He stared up at Alec with red-rimmed eyes and dirt stained cheeks, caked with dried blood where branches had cut him. “Jace,” Alec whispered, in a quiet shock. Alec had never seen Jace cry before. Because Jace hadn’t cried since he’d been a little boy, who’d just lost his hunting falcon.

To love is to destroy.

Alec didn’t say anything, just crossed his legs beneath himself and sat down next Jace on the ground. He stared at his feet as he spoke softly. “This is about Clary… isn’t it?”

There was no use lying. Jace tried to nod, but he coughed violently, choking on tears. He cast his eyes toward Alec, his friend and brother. “I know it’s terrible, and I know it’s sickening, but… I can’t help but love her, the same as I always have.” His words came out in a strained whisper. Alec sat in silence, listening to Jace’s words, though Jace knew he must find it all diseased. If Alec had been in love with Isabelle the way Jace loved Clary, Jace may have found it diseased himself.

“I just… I can’t think of living without her,” Jace admitted, wiping his eyes against his coat sleeves. “You must have noticed–˝ he looked at Alec briefly “–when she was around, I couldn’t even think about anything. I had to protect her and nobody else mattered. Not even…” Jace took a deep breath. “Not even you.”

Alec sat still, seeming to freeze, remembering how Simon had been the one to save him from the Greater Demon, when, in another case, Jace had been the one to rescue him. It was his… his duty, as Alec’s friend and brother. But Clary had changed that. But Jace couldn’t help it, Alec knew. He’d seen him falling in love with her long before Jace himself even knew it. It was Alec’s job to notice those things.

“Jace…” he trailed off, trying to find the right words. Jace looked up sullenly at him, blonde hair in disarray, his amber eyes seeming gray, depleted of color. “It isn’t your fault. You… you can’t help loving her. And… and I know that it’s hard to hide those sorts of feelings–˝ Jace shot Alec an apologetic glance, but he looked away, refusing to meet his golden eyes “–and… you shouldn’t have to hide them. Not if you feel that strongly. The real sickening part is that you would have to.” He took a deep breath, hardly believing that he was saying the words. “If you love Clary, it shouldn’t… it shouldn’t matter that she’s your sister. She… she should know.”

Alec looked back up from the ground to see Jace staring, openmouthed at him. “You… you mean that?” he whispered. Alec nodded, offering a weak smile. “But…” his face fell, “…what about everybody else? Isabelle, your parents, Aline, Simon, even…” He took a deep breath. “…Even Clary finds it horrible.”

“…She knows?” Alec said in surprise.

Jace bit his lip. “I’ve… I’ve never told her directly. But… it’s hard not to see the way I look at her.”

Alec frowned. “You’re denser than I thought you were, Jace.” When the golden-haired boy looked up in surprise, Alec smiled softly and continued. “Yeah, it’s hard not to see the way you look at her, but it’s also hard not to see the way she looks at you. I know… I know she cares about you–more than anyone. And you have a right to love her.”

“But… everybody else–˝

“Screw everyone else,” Alec said hotly. Seeing Jace’s expression, he softened his tone. “Jace, I should know,” he said quietly. “I know what it’s like to feel like you have to hide away what you feel, especially when you can’t help but feeling it. Falling in love with your sister… it can’t be worse than dating a warlock, right?” He offered a goofy smile that Jace couldn’t help but return.

They sat in silence for a long while, just sitting and staring at the ground. Suddenly, Jace looked up, a thoughtful look on his face. “You know what I just realized?” he said, smiling softly.

“What?”

“Even… if I had known from the start that I was Valentine’s son; if I’d known that Clary’s mother was mine; I… I would have loved her anyway. No matter how things began, this outcome won’t be any different. And I… I’m always going to need her.” Jace got to his feet suddenly, steadying himself against the grave of Michael Wayland. Alec scrambled up and stood beside him, seeming to reach out, in case Jace needed help standing. “All these years, I didn’t know who I was,” Jace said, shaking his head. “I didn’t know what I was. And… and even though things will never be the same, there’s still a chance, isn’t there? This… this battle isn’t over yet.” He gave Alec his famous crooked grin. “There’s still time for things to change, even if chances are slim that they will. The sun will always rise, and I’ve… I’ve realized that even if everybody else hates me because of what I feel and who I feel it for, if I have Clary…” he took a deep breath, “…if I have Clary, nothing else matters. Even if it meant leaving behind everything that I know. Even if it meant… even if it meant not being a Shadowhunter anymore.”

Alec sucked in air quickly and let it out slowly. A month ago, he would have laughed if Jace had said he’d give up his Marks for something, knowing that he was just being Jace–sarcastic and witty. But somehow, Alec knew. Jace would give up anything if it meant being with Clary.

Jace gave Alec a quick salute, and turned as if to leave. “Where are you going?” Alec called and Jace turned and smiled.

“Tomorrow at midnight, we will either be locked in war with my own father, or we will have surrendered to his rule. Either way, this night… this is the last normal night of our lives. And I… I want to be with her for it.”

Alec couldn’t help but smile. He beckoned Jace back to him, and once he stood in front of the dark-haired boy, Alec reached into Jace’s belt loop and pulled his stele up, holding it up in the moonlight. “Then let me at least heal your face. She might think you got into a fight or something.” Alec smiled wearily, raising the stele to draw an iratze over Jace’s face. Jace smiled widely and waited patiently as Alec did so, and once finished, he called a thank you, jogging away from the cemetery, away from Alec, prepared for something that nobody would ever forgive him for.

Jace Morgenstern was going to tell his sister how much he loved her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uhm, yeah, soo....
At the end of "City of Bones" (the first book), you find out that Jace and Clary are siblings. And, I have to say, "City of Ashes" was my favorite book, just because of the way Jace acts towards Clary, and it's the first time in the series that he shows any real emotion, and it just makes my heart flutter.

*spoilers for the end of "City of Glass"
Spoiler:
However, you do find out that Jace and Clary are, in fact, not related at all. =D You discover that Sebastian Verlac, who is the REAL Jonathon is the son that Valentine injected with demon blood, and Jace is the biological son of Sephen and Celiene Herondale, but... everyone still calls him Jace Wayland, even though he had no connection to the real Michael Wayland.

Uhm... so if you haven't read the series, let me explain a bit.

In "City of Glass", Jace walks Clary back to Luke's sister's house (Amatis) since that's where Clary is staying while they're in Alicante (the capital of Idris, which is where the Shadowhunters live). It says that Jace stood on the porch for a long time, even after Clary had left. He comes back later on to her room, and it's when he tells her how much he loves her, even though he's not supposed to. Jace believes that he loves Clary so much is because their father, Valentine, leaked demon blood into his veins before he'd been born, so Jace is destined to want things that he can't have, which includes falling in love with his sister.

A Shadowhunter is somebody who kills demons... I won't go more in depth than that.

Michael Wayland is the man Valentine told Jace he was when Jace was a little boy, and that was who Jace thought had died when he was ten years old. In reality, Michael had died long before, but it was only to Valentine's advantage that Michael, too, had a son named Jonathan, and named Celiene's unborn child (Celiene committed suicide after her husband's death when she was eight months pregnant, and Valentine rescued her son - Jace) after him and his own son, who is really Sebastian Verlac (or, I mean, he was posing to be Sebastian, but he's the real Jonathon).

Hunting falcon was a story Jace told to Clary in "City of Bones". It was something that had happened to him. Basically, Valentine got Jace a hunting falcon for his birthday, and when Jace had trained it and loved it, Valentine killed the bird and told Jace that he was supposed to train it to do what Jace wanted, not to love him. He then tells Jace, "To love is to destroy" and it's something Jace believes, even as he falls in love with Clary.

Alec Lightwood is Jace's adoptive brother. They're not technically related, nor has Jace technically ever been adopted by the Lightwoods. In the beginning, Alec hates Clary with every fiber of his being, because he knew Jace was falling in love with her. What Jace didn't know was that, Alec, too, loved him and had hoped that Jace would see that. But in the series, Alec starts dating this warlock named Magnus, and it's... interesting. o.o

Isabelle is Alec's younger sister.
Aline Penhallow is a girl Jace had been making out with... uhm, yeah. He was hoping that maybe he'd fall in love with Aline, but it didn't work. XD
Simon Lewis is Clary's best friend and he professed his love to her in the first book, but ended their romantic relationship after he became a vampire.

A stele is what Shadowhunters use to apply and use their Marks, which are the things that give them protection. The particular "iratze" Mark heals Shadowhunter wounds.

Whew!
Nobody will probably read it, but... I haven't been able to rant to ANYBODY (since Alix and my other friend Tristan are going to read the books), so it felt nice to rant, even if nobody will see it. (:
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Re: Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by DragonWarriorClaire34 on 22nd June 2010, 3:39 pm

"To love is to destroy". Wow, I just love that line. I never actually felt like reading this book (laziness) but...wow, it's like I'm actually looking into the living breathing (undead?) characters and their world.

You are really good at describing what the people are doing without making it boring or too poetic. I wish I had that sort of skill. Well, if you are confused by how I phrased it, I meant that your writing style really FLOWS. It's like a constant stream of water.

It's so painful...I mean, not like over the top teenage "angst" but the actual kind of turmoil. Because of Jace's want for the truth, he got a shocking surprise. Wow....that's just so sad...to have someone he loves with such a passion...that his passion is a taboo....

Wow....this piece of yours has really impressed me. I've read your other pieces and I loved how easy flowing your writing style was, and I've tried to improve my writing after being so inspired by you...but this story really gave me new inspiration. It was truly phenomenal, like getting a super good grade in English class phenomenal.

Wow. I've truly enjoyed reading this. Thus ends my extremely long review. *shot* cyclops Like a Star @ heaven I give you... a cyclops! (My physics teacher always drew a cyclops on grades that were really good.... XD)
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Re: Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by ThaliaAnderson on 22nd June 2010, 8:43 pm

I definitely agree - "To love is to destroy" is the most profound line found in the series, but because it's said only halfway through the first book, you don't really understand why it's so important. But as the reader progresses, you see how much Jace's love kills him inside, and why, all those years, he found it better to simply stay away from that emotion.

Thank you so much, Claire! That is like, the sweetest review I have ever gotten. =] I'm glad it didn't turn out too choppy - usually when I write a songfic, I get so caught up in the emotion of the song, I see it more like I would a video than I would a piece of writing, so my thoughts and words get all jumbled around. Tried to keep it steady - felt like I had something to live up to, by choosing to write as Jace, you know? Like I had to put myself in Cassie Clare's shoes and see what would happen.

Aw, thank you! I can't see myself as being inspiring (like in ANY way, hahah), so that really does mean a lot to me. Maybe this means I'll get closer to reaching my goal to be an author. *crosses fingers* I've always had that goal - but now my goal is to be as inspiring in my stories as Cassie Clare herself. Which means I'll have big shoes to fill. =]

I love long reviews! They make me giddy, hahah. =]
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Re: Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by DragonWarriorClaire34 on 23rd June 2010, 6:31 am

No! It didn't turn out choppy at all! At least from my view! It flowed....like hippie energy or something like that. LOL Wow, that sounds like a good way to write, putting yourself in the chara's shoes... XD

But what if the shoes don't fit? What if you've got bigger shoe sizes!? *spazzes* Well, I've seen you as an inspiration to me since I've been stalking around the the old boards with no user name. XD (stalker much? Ohyes.XD) Twisted Evil
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Re: Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by ThaliaAnderson on 23rd June 2010, 7:29 am

Believe, Jace's shoes are WAY bigger than mine are. >>
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Re: Shattered {Mortal Instruments}

Post by DragonWarriorClaire34 on 23rd June 2010, 12:04 pm

....I'm surprised you went so far to find out his shoe size..... XD Suspect
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